Column: Another socially distanced Newby Awards for 2021

Updated Dec. 31, 2021 2:55 a.m. ET

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We had hoped the Newby Awards could return to a bit of normalcy this year.

Ohhh, how we'd love to stroll down the imaginary red carpet, pretend to dole out some statuettes, and make-believe we're attending a train wreck of an after-party at

Sadly, thanks to folks such as wannabe game show host-slash-

So, taking a page from Bill Murray in “Groundhog Day,” we're sticking with largely the same routine from a year ago.

Masked up? Check.

Socially distanced? Check.

We now present the ninth annual Newby Awards, a mostly tongue-in-cheek look at a year in which sports tried to carry on despite the pandemic — until everyone went on the COVID list.

COACH OF THE YEAR

seemed a lock for this prize ... until he hired a strength coach accused of racism, and signed Tim Tebow to play tight end, and skipped a team flight so he could get in some quality family time with a woman who was not his wife, reportedly berated the assistant coaches he hired as “losers," allegedly kicked his kicker in a fit of rage and largely forgot everything he knew about winning football games. Just 13 games into his tenure, Meyer was mercifully fired by the Jacksonville Jaguars. Somewhere, Bobby Petrino is smiling, figuring he's now just the second-worst coaching hire in NFL history.

With Meyer out of the running, and no idea where Petrino ended up,

BEST BASERUNNING

In a totally forgettable season for the Chicago Cubs, Javier Baez managed to make his mark with what was either

The hijinks started on Baez's routine grounder to Pirates third baseman Erik González, who threw to first for what should have been the final out of the inning. The throw was wide, pulling first baseman Will Craig off the bag, so Baez decided — what the heck? — to head back toward home plate. Instead of just stepping on the bag to end the inning, Craig inexplicably took off after him, creating what was surely the first-ever rundown between first and home. Willson Contreras came around to score from second base, sliding across the plate just ahead of Craig's baffling throw. Baez, in the meantime, took off back toward first, another throw skipped away, and Baez somehow ended up at second base while the TV broadcaster screamed, “Keep going! Go! Go! You're invisible!"

El Mago should star in Marvel's next superhero flick, assuming the villains all play for the Pirates.

DANCING WITH THE STARS

After abandoning Notre Dame for a big-money contract at LSU, Brian Kelly broke out

PERSEVERANCE CUP

didn't come close to winning a medal at the Tokyo Olympics, but she gets a much-deserved prize for tenacity. The Algerian swimmer dropped far behind the field in the 10-kilometer marathon event, yet never thought of quitting. She finished nearly 18 minutes behind the gold medalist and almost nine minutes behind the next-to-last finisher, swimming alone during most of her more than two hours in the water. "Giving up is the worst that can happen to me,” Cherouati said. ”I feel bad, but not as bad as I would feel if I stop.”

Now that's the Olympic spirit.

Unfortunately, the same couldn't be said of the 2020 Tokyo Games, which were finally held a year late with no fans in the stands and

TITLETOWN, USA

Moving to Tampa Bay with his anti-aging pod, Tom Brady guided the Buccaneers to

Honorable Mention to the Drought Breakers: The

IN MEMORIAM

Sports lost two of its greatest champions for social justice in 2021. Hank Aaron, who

They will be sorely missed. They will never be forgotten.

WORST CANDIDATE

threw her hat into the political ring and discovered it's a lot more daunting than throwing a discus or a javelin. The

PROFILE IN COURAGE

set a powerful precedent when he became the first prominent male athlete playing a major U.S. team sport — the NFL, no less — to reveal he is gay. In a year when the Las Vegas Raiders have dealt with all sorts of distractions, from coach

Dishonorable Mention: Aaron Rodgers, the Green Bay Packers' star quarterback, led everyone to believe he was vaccinated —

THE NEWBY GRAMMY

For the first time ever, we'll be awarding a special prize to our top sports-related musician. The winner is ... Matthew Kaminski, the witty organist who

With that, we'll let Kaminski play us off the imaginary stage.

Congrats to all the winners and losers.

Enjoy the stay-at-home after-party.

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Paul Newberry is a national sports columnist for The Associated Press. Write to him at pnewberry(at)ap.org or at https://twitter.com/pnewberry1963 and check out his work at https://apnews.com/search/paulnewberry

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More AP sports: https://apnews.com/hub/apf-sports and https://twitter.com/AP_Sports

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