Alabama Crimson Tide

Alabama Football: Hilarious Bama Hate For Our #1 Recruiting Class

Updated Mar. 4, 2020 4:24 p.m. ET

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Fansided, Bobby Wesson/FanSided via Bama Hammer

Nov 5, 2016; Baton Rouge, LA, USA; Tigers fans remain in the stands following the LSU Tigers 10-0 loss to the Alabama Crimson Tide at Tiger Stadium. Mandatory Credit: John David Mercer-USA TODAY SportsAlabama Football Head Coach Nick Saban and company brought in a 7th #1 ranked recruiting class in a row on Wednesday and Twitter is hating it.

Alabama Football Head Coach Nick Saban and company brought in a 7th #1 ranked recruiting class in a row on Wednesday and Twitter is hating it.

If the sheer amount of raw hate for Alabama Football in the last two days could be harnessed into energy it would be produce enough power to run the Tennessee pre-season hype machine for a decade.

Alabama Football brought in a record-breaking 21 ESPN 300 commits in Nick Saban’s 7th #1 recruiting class in a row and Twitter is raging against the machine that is the Crimson Empire. The only difference between Darth Vader and Saban is that it took Vader 6 years to rebuild the Death Star. Saban did it in 23 days – and the hate is real.

We’ll start with the standard Bama hate, move on to accusations of cheating and end with the desperate pleas for Saban to retire and, my all-time favorite, the death threats.

“No matter how many times the Director of HR told him it wasn’t funny, Glenn insisted on standing at the door and making long, awkward eye contact with unsuspecting Shreveport Times employees until they smelled the fart he crop dusted them with in the break room.”

This particular brand of feminine hygiene product demands action. 

I know an attorney that can get you the compensation you deserve for that case of butt hurt. 

He’s not going to catch any at LSU Dylan. 

“Fournette will win the Heisman.”

“Swiper no swiping! Swiper no swiping!”

In other news, the state of Louisiana has demanded that Nick Saban begin paying his fair share of their tax burden as he now owns the entire state. 

Let’s move on to the real hate shall we?

Saban is cheating

This year’s annual “SABAN IS CHEATIN-A-THON” is sponsored in by Dodge! No money down, no credit check, no sense and no evidence! Come on down and hate on Alabama Football today!

“Pawl Finebaum! PAWL! They driving mid-size 4 door sedans Pawl!”

“…and an SEC championship, and a national championship, and an NFL career, and…”

Andrew dreams of the day NCAA scientists finally develop the vaccine for butt hurt he so desperately needs. 

Make sure and get the license plate number when he runs all over your defense Shawn. 

Jason is asking the tough questions. 

If Butch Jones offered recruits more than a bag of marshmallows to roast on the dumpster fire at Tennessee he might sign better players.

Are the cool kids calling championship rings chargers these days?

You have to say the name or we don’t get the endorsement money Josh. Dodge Charger. 

This is a Miami fan accusing Saban of cheating. If this post were any more ironic it would be on tour with Alannis Morrissette. “It’s like raaaaaaaaaain on your signing daaaaay.”

We wondered where all of this Dodge Charger talk came from so we followed the sounds of sniffling to the corner of the nursery and found this dissertation on butt hurt by Elum7. According to Elum7’s exhaustive research, Bama players sometimes take pictures in front of cars therefore Nick Saban is a Dark Lord of the Sith and must be stopped.

If you think that’s crazy just wait until you see all the people who want to kill Nick Saban.

WHY WON’T NICK SABAN JUST DIE OR RETIRE?!

If Nick Saban died of a heart attack on the Alabama sidelines while yelling at a referee LSU fans would say “I TOLD YOU HE WAS GONNA LEAVE Y’ALL JUST LIKE HE LEFT US!” My favorite Bama hate comes from those people who have given up hope that their team will ever beat Bama and instead hope for a day when Nick Saban is no longer Alabama Football’s Head Coach.

But some people just can’t wait that long….

Security! 

“This week on a special episode of Law and Order: Special Butt Hurt Unit”

“I woke up and apologized three times.” 

“High achievers don’t like mediocre people and mediocre people don’t like high achievers” -Nick Saban

I volunteer as tribute. 

Robbie and the rest of the rebel forces are going to be upset when they see Darth Saban in a Vader suit on the sidelines calling plays with a light saber in his hands. 

“Do it! Do it now! Put the clipboard on the ground and no one gets butt hurt! ” 

This guy is waiting on a lot of things. 

“So sayeth Sir Seminole, Lord of the Butt Hurt.  

By “it” Matt means home state recruits, rushing yards against Bama, SEC championships and regular dental care. 

Laremy is convinced you are the GOAT Nick. Your work here is done. 

“It’s Great To Be Butt Hurt”

If you’ve seen something funny that should be included in the next installment of “Bama Butt Hurt” post it to our Facebook or in the comments. Roll Tide!

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