March Madness 2022: How to choose your men's basketball bandwagon
By Charlotte Wilder
FOX Sports Columnist
March Madness is inherently wacky because college sports are inherently wacky, and whenever you put a bunch of programs in the same place, wackiness ensues. Teams lose when they aren’t supposed to, memes are made, and mascots inevitably go down.
This goofiness gets to me before the tournament begins every March. For as long as I’ve written about sports, I’ve always found a very dumb way to fill out my bracket. This year, I’ve been inspired to put together a cheat sheet to help people without a team in the Big Dance decide which bandwagon to hop on. While I’ve tried to include some actual basketball information, I cannot promise that I’ve been rational.
Proceed at your own risk, and don’t say I didn’t warn you.
If you root for a team that is in the SEC, but your SEC team didn’t make the tournament: Alabama, Tennessee, Kentucky, Auburn, Arkansas, LSU, Texas
SEC fans love the SEC. I’m including Texas here because it will soon be in the SEC (when I was at a Texas A&M football game this fall, fans were already talking about Texas as though it were part of the SEC family). So choose your fighter.
If you hate the SEC: Vermont, Jacksonville State, Iowa State, Longwood, Saint Peter’s, Virginia Tech, Rutgers, Notre Dame
These schools face SEC teams in the first round.
If you're anti-Alabama: Whoever goes up against the Tide
Rutgers and Notre Dame face each other in a play-in game to take on Bama. If you hate the SEC and didn’t go to Notre Dame, you probably don’t like Notre Dame. Therefore, you should root for Rutgers. If you do like Notre Dame, well, root for Notre Dame.
If you’re a Texas A&M fan and still want to root for Aggies: New Mexico State
They’re the Aggies, too.
NCAA Tournament bracket guide
If you’re from New England: Bryant University, Vermont, UConn, Providence College
Bryant is in Rhode Island and clinched its first spot in the NCAA Men’s Tournament this year. The Bulldogs have to win a play-in game against Wright State first, but still. They’re here. They also have the nation’s leading scorer in Peter Kiss (25.1 points per game), who happens to be this year’s biggest villain. He once sank a 3-pointer and then said, "That’s for you, b----," to a reporter sitting courtside who predicted that Bryant would lose. Kiss also does push-ups and blows kisses to opposing coaches after making shots. It’s all very obnoxious, but it makes for good theater if you’re into that sort of thing.
Vermont is a lovely state — 10/10, no notes. Take a shot of maple syrup, and hop on that bandwagon. The blankets are plaid, and the ride will take you under a covered bridge.
Let’s be honest: UConn probably has the best chance of this group to actually go far, so if you want to see New England pride survive, maybe go for the Huskies.
Providence coach Ed Cooley won Big East Coach of the Year and has led the Friars to the best men’s basketball season in school history. While the team has been known for getting the job done in close games, it's also been known to monumentally blow it — like the Friars did against Creighton in the Big East tournament.
If you hate New England: Creighton
If you went to an Ivy League school: Yale
The only people who love rooting for schools in their conference more than those who went to SEC schools are those who went to Ivys.
If you really hate the Ivy League: Purdue
The Boilermakers play Yale in the first round.
Final Four Predictions
If you like nice things and are used to not being allowed to have them: Wisconsin
I have a soft spot for Wisconsin. Madison is lovely when it isn’t negative-10 degrees, there’s a ton of great cheese, and people are generally very friendly. Sure, Wisconsin also has an uncanny ability to rip its fans' hearts out, but I’d argue that just builds character.
If you wear a vest to brunch in Manhattan and use Excel without a mouse: Duke
"Yo, I got a table at this great bar in Midtown to watch the first game — if a managing partner doesn’t email me Friday afternoon telling me to fix those projections, I’m gonna get there around 5:30 for the 7:10 start. I’ll get us pitchers. You can Venmo me."
If you hate Duke: Cal State Fullerton, Virginia Tech, North Carolina
Big-time rival UNC beat Duke in Coach Krzyzewski’s last home game at Cameron Indoor, and Virginia Tech beat Duke in the ACC Tournament Championship. Next, 15-seed Cal State Fullerton takes on Duke in the first round of the tournament. Sure, Duke is a No. 2 seed, but Fullerton is fresh off a championship in the Big West Tournament.
If Fullerton wins, it will become the last team to defeat Coach K. So while the Blue Devils will be playing with a whole lot of heart for their coach’s last dance, I would imagine that David — I mean Fullerton — is going to have a real fire in its belly to take down Goliath — I mean Coach K’s Duke team — for the last time.
If you’re predictable and want a good chance of winning it all: Gonzaga, Baylor, Arizona, Kansas
These are the No. 1 seeds. The safest bet is probably last year’s runner-up, Gonzaga. Drew Timme and Chet Holmgren have proven to be quite the dynamic duo.
If you like a repeat champion: Baylor, Villanova
Last year, the Bears clawed their way to victory. In 2016 and 2018, Jay Wright’s Wildcats did the same. If you’re into adding trophies to cases, root for one of these squads.
If you really don’t want a repeat: Norfolk State
This will not happen. But I’m old enough to remember when 16-seed University of Maryland, Baltimore County upset the University of Virginia, a No. 1 seed. This year, 16-seed Norfolk State faces Baylor in the first round, and I suppose that stranger things have happened.
Elite Eight showdown?
If you want to root for a different yet equally unlikely Cinderella story: Wright State, Texas Southern, Indiana, Georgia State
Like Rutgers and Notre Dame, these teams have to play-in for a 16-seed, but hey, who knows!
If you want to root for an actually plausible Cinderella story: Chattanooga, Davidson, Murray State
Chicago media will have my head for this, but it seems like there’s a good chance Chattanooga could make it to the Sweet 16. Yes, the Mocs have to play Illinois first, and the Fighting Illini were co-champions of the Big Ten this season. But 13-seed Chattanooga won its conference, too, and the Indiana Hoosiers knocked out Illinois in the quarterfinals of the Big Ten Tournament. It’s March. Anything is possible.
*KG anything is possible gif*
Ja Morant went to Murray State, and he still goes back in the summer and fall to practice with the squad. The 7-seed Racers have a 30-2 record and are third in the country in rebounding margin. There’s a good chance they could make a run for it.
There’s also a good chance that Davidson, a 10-seed, could upset Michigan State, a 7-seed. Davidson has the eighth-best 3-point percentage in college basketball, and Michigan State’s defense could be better, seeing as it gives up an average of 68.4 points per game. (Don’t let my boss read this because he loves Michigan State, and I’d like to keep my job.)
If you’re my boss: Michigan State
:)
If you’re from Chicago: Illinois, Loyola Chicago
If you’re a doctor or journalist: Michigan
Northwestern isn’t in the tournament this year, so sportswriters and medical professionals need to choose a new team to root for.
If you’re really into Sister Jean: Loyola Chicago
There is a 102-year-old nun named Sister Jean who blesses the Loyola team every year. Some people love her …
If you’re over Sister Jean: Ohio State
… and some think Sister Jean is taking attention away from the players. If you’re one of those, root for Ohio State, which faces Loyola in the first round.
Will Ohio State beat Sister Jean and Loyola Chicago?
If you like the mountains: Boise State, Colorado State, Montana State
"Some place warm, a place where the beer flows like wine, where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I’m talking about a little place called Aspen."
— Lloyd Christmas, "Dumb and Dumber" — Charlotte Wilder
If you liked college football in the mid-2000s: The winner of USC-Miami
Lincoln Riley hasn’t coached a game at USC yet, so this is probably the last year I can make that joke.
If you think there’s a West Coast bias in college basketball: UCLA, USC
"Obviously, I’ve got tremendous respect for Coach [Andy] Enfield and [USC’s] program," UCLA coach Mick Cronin recently said. "Their projected seed is ridiculously low. That’s typical West Coast bias. I wish them all the best next week, and hopefully we can all do what we did last year."
If you like rooting for schools you didn’t know existed: Saint Peters, Longwood
I shouldn’t admit this as someone who covers sports for a living, but I believe in humbling myself. Which is why I’m going to tell you that every year, college basketball teaches me the name of a college I didn’t know existed.
This year there are two: Saint Peter’s, a university in New Jersey that plays in the Metro Atlantic Athletic Conference, and Longwood, a university in Farmville, Virginia. The Saint Peter’s Peacocks (incredible mascot, no?) strutted their way into the Big Dance for the first time since 2011, despite working with a minimal budget compared to the big-time powerhouses. The Peacocks face Kentucky in the first round.
If you’re less into New Jersey and more into Virginia, might I suggest Longwood? It takes on Tennessee in the first round.
If you love New Jersey and want a better chance of winning than Saint Peter’s: Seton Hall
If you like LeBron James: Akron
He’s one of the GOATs, but he’s also just a kid from Akron. And the Zips (another amazing mascot) wear his line for Nike.
If you’re from the Bay Area: Saint Mary's, San Francisco
Who are the top title contenders?
If you’re a big Penny Hardaway fan: Memphis
The former NBA star and current Memphis coach led the Tigers to a very impressive season. Back in the tournament for the first time since 2014, Memphis is playing great defense and, as a 9-seed, faces 8-seed Boise State in the first round.
If you have arachnophobia: Iowa
The Hawkeyes face Richmond, a team with a very intimidating spider mascot.
If you’re a little witchy: Richmond
If you love an out-of-the-box mascot: South Dakota State, Delaware
It’s easy to get jazzed about the SD State Jackrabbits. The mascot is normal enough because it’s an animal but strange enough because it’s a rabbit, which isn’t really, like, a fighting animal. It’s also a very specific type of rabbit.
Delaware also walks the mascot-weirdness line perfectly, considering that it is the Blue Hens. Again, it’s an animal, but a strange one to choose for aggressive representation of team spirit. Then again, if you’re ever made a hen mad, you know what they’re capable of (long story). I also love that they’re blue. That makes me think that one particular chick went real punk rock and dyed her feathers. Rock on, Delaware.
If you want a cool-as-hell mascot: University of Alabama at Birmingham
The Blazers are dragons who breathe fire. Pretty sick.
If you like a team that defied the odds: Marquette
Many people thought Marquette would be one of the worst teams in the Big East, but these guys have their dancing shoes on, baby!
If you’re from Texas but don’t want to root for UT: Texas Tech, Houston, TCU, Texas Southern
Big "horns down" energy.
Charlotte Wilder is a general columnist and cohost of "The People's Sports Podcast" for FOX Sports. She's honored to represent the constantly neglected Boston area in sports media, loves talking to sports fans about their feelings and is happiest eating a hotdog in a ballpark or nachos in a stadium. Follow her on Twitter @TheWilderThings.
