2015-16 NBA Awards that won't be given out, but, probably should
Tis the season for NBA awards! Hooray
Defensive Player of the Year went to San Antonio's Kawhi Leonard...
Sixth Man of the Year went to the Clippers' Jamal Crawford...
And we'll soon find out who is awarded Most Improved Player, Coach of the Year, All-NBA teams, and of course: the prized Most Valuable Player trophy.
All of these awards are great and everything, but, what about the players who have specialties that don't get recognized? Why are they excluded from such honors? What makes being a sixth man more important than, let's say, the league's best garbage time players?
I'm here today to scratch this itch.
Congratulations to all the winners!
The Five NBA players you would want in a World War III trench next to you in battle: cerebral death match warriors who will cheat, claw, scratch, do anything to make sure everyone survives.
As soon as these players see one jumper go in, they instantly think they're on fire
Self-Explanatory: If the game is all but over, expect these five players to come off the end of the bench and fill up the stat sheet
Stumbling out of the bar drunk? Feeling a little too confident? Maybe even a little feisty? Avoid these people or else:
The loudest and most consistent abusers of yelling "AND 1!!!" after every drive/hint of contact
Fans of the team cringe after every make because that just means he's going to have the confidence to attempt 10 more shots
Watch your head, it's only a matter of time...
'Fast and the Furious' NOS Cannons are strapped to these players' quadriceps...
Analytics-obsessed fans' most cherished players
The complete opposite; these players pass "the eye test" but give students of advanced analytics nightmares of long contested two-point jumpers and all around statistical inefficiency
Players who you rarely see on National Television and are severely underappreciated because they're on non-playoff teams
An honor reserved for the players who wear the most ludicrous outfits to games
The frustrating underachievers of the Association who may have lost it for good
Players trapped at the end of the bench who should be out on the floor getting play time
These players got their big pay day, so, why care anymore when you can just go through the motions and 'keep cashin dem checks'? Exactly.
The five best businessmen in America: five individuals who somehow convinced an NBA franchise to pay them millions of dollars to play professional basketball
Players who do the dirty work (loose balls, off-ball movement, strategic fouls, hustle, intangibles, noticeable cerebral basketball actions, etc...) which doesn't always appear in the box score, but, is incredibly important to the success of their team.
Ole!
