Cristiano Ronaldo is to LeBron James as Lionel Messi is to...
There are plenty of things that separate European football from the NBA. Promotion and relegation, salary caps, transfer fees, continents. I'd say sleeved jerseys but since the NBA seems set on destroying the natural order of things that one's no longer true.
But the two are eerily similar as team sports that people fork over a lot of money to watch and spend a lot of time talking about. Each player can better or worsen a team, divvying up credit and blame is incredibly sticky, and everyone loves falling back on platitudes when asked pointed questions about their performances.
Also, Golden State in a halfcourt set that starts with passing up an open three and ends in a layup looks a lot like Arsenal in the final third walking the ball into the back of the net. Except they don't have anything close to Steph Curry because they refuse to actually spend money on a striker.
But anyway, because soccer is great and basketball is great and also because it's Friday and on Friday there are no rules, here is a list of 10 NBA-Soccer player comparisons that you are free to reject as the result of a fever dream that it most likely is.
1. LeBron James = Cristiano Ronaldo
There's something here about the two of them adjusting their games to accommodate slowly but definitely waning athletic ability-- Ronaldo a purer forward, and LeBron more of a facilitator.
But the thing that's more fun to talk about is the fact that for as long as either of these two can remember, they've never not been the best, and now some other shorter, less physically impressive guy is stealing the shine.
2. Steph Curry = Lionel Messi
Duh.
We made a mash-up of the best Leo Messi & @StephenCurry30 highlights to see how similar the two athletes really are.https://t.co/pCcCpZmT3X
— BuzzFeed Sports (@BuzzFeedSports) December 14, 2015
3. James Harden = Luis Suarez
Both are annoyingly good at what they do. Harden at drawing contact and getting to the line, and Suarez at turning quarter-chances into goals and generally making a nuisance of himself.
Adidas gave them both a lot of money. I hate the way both of them play the sport.
4. Kawhi Leonard = Thomas Muller
Kawhi Leonard has a Larry O'Brien Trophy, a NBA Finals MVP award, a defensive player of the year, and is all of 24 years old. Thomas Muller-- who is similarly pragmatic and dispassionate and may be a robot -- is 26 and has already won literally everything you can think of.
They also both have hairstyles that haven't been fashionable for quite some time.
5. Wojciech Szczesny = Roy Hibbert
Arsenal has been trying to make Szczesny happen since 2009, but last year they shipped him to Roma on loan before they even had a replacement goalkeeper for him. Roy Hibbert also had flashes of competence when he was with the Pacers, but after falling on his face in the playoffs in 2014, Indiana offloaded him to the Lakers for a future draft pick.
Hoping Myles Turner panned out was way better than dealing with an expensive 7-footer getting out-rebounded by people half his size.
6. Andrew Wiggins = Paul Pogba
One of these guys was a promising talent that had finally arrived at a big ball club but was traded away immediately. He's since found his feet and is flourishing elsewhere. The other one is Paul Pogba.
Actually, they both did all of those things. This didn't sound as cool as it did in my head.
7. Dirk Nowitzki = Xavi
Pushing 40 (or not considering how you describe being 36) Xavi still sees the pitch in binary and can put a through ball through the eye of a needle. Dirk Nowitzki is 37 and still pirouetting to knock down fadeaways from the parking lot over players almost 10 years younger.
Basically they're both old-- sorry, not old-- seasoned vets still capable of delivering kill-shots to opposing teams in the twilight of their careers.
8. Damian Lillard = Dmitri Payet
West Ham's Dmitri Payet is not-so-quietly one of the best players in the Premier League this season. So far, he's bagged eight goals and created 81 chances. He also plays for a team that isn't exactly a perennial power and despite dazzling performances, his national team isn't giving him his just due.
Sound familiar?
9. Demarcus Cousins = Teofilo Gutierrez
I debated using Mario Balotelli for this, but despite all the noise surrounding Demarcus Cousins, he still gets it done on the court most nights. Balotelli has a single goal in 13 appearances for Milan (who I'm only pretty sure he still plays for), and Teo Gutierrez at least has two in six features for Sporting Lisbon this season.
He also stole a ref's vanishing spray for a goal celebration and once pulled a paintball gun on a few of teammates when he was playing for River Plate. The rub here is that everyone knows he's good. He made Colombia's 2014 World Cup team. The same year Boogie made the U.S. team for the Basketball World Cup.
In sum, they could both be amazing if they could just, you know, not.
10. Gareth Bale = John Wall
Bale has successfully reinvented himself at least twice, making the switch from leggy left back to box-to-box winger, to sort-of-more-attacking-minded box-to-box winger. It's not totally unlike adding a midrange jumper to your game in the offseason. Or maturing and developing into a more complete point guard.
Just look at this goal Bale scored against Inter while playing for Tottenham in 2010.
Now look at John Wall go coast to coast against the Bulls earlier this year.
You don't have to tell me I'm right. But I am though.
