National Basketball Association

The Art of NBA Complaining: How players like LeBron deal with refs

Updated Feb. 8, 2022 4:54 p.m. ET

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By Melissa Rohlin
FOX Sports NBA Writer

Retired referee Danny Crawford recently received an unexpected letter in the mail from Gregg Popovich.

The San Antonio Spurs' longtime coach found a technical foul form the NBA sent him 34 years ago, when he was an assistant coach for the team. Popovich mailed it to Crawford, who had teed him up for "unsportsmanlike conduct" during a game against Milwaukee in 1988, a transgression that came with a $100 fine then and a $2,000 one now.

Popovich was amused by his own audacity.

"I was an assistant!" Popovich scribbled on the fine. "What was I thinking?"

Over the years, Popovich has massaged his technique with officials. He and Crawford ended up developing a deep mutual respect, even though at times their jobs were adversarial.

"As serious as Pop is on the sidelines, that man is a funny guy and a very respectful guy of the profession," said Crawford, who retired in 2017 following a 31-year career as an NBA referee. "He would crack jokes every now and then, and you could crack jokes back to him. You could be in a heated conversation with Pop, and it will end with both guys laughing."

In conversations with multiple retired NBA officials, one thing became very obvious: There's an art to complaining, especially now, with multiple cameras picking up every angle and an army of internet trolls ready to turn unsuspecting victims into immortalized memes.

Officials say the best way for coaches and players to approach them is simple.

Show respect. Ask questions. Don't complain about everything, or you'll lose credibility. Don't be rude. Pull the referee aside during a free throw or timeout instead of making a public scene that gets blasted around the world.

But in the heat of a game, those seemingly obvious tenets often go out the window.

As longtime referee Derrick Stafford put it, NBA superstars aren't often told they're wrong, but that's what officials are paid to do.

"Everybody is trying to tell them they're right all of the time, and nobody wants to make them upset," said Stafford, who retired in 2018 after a 30-year career officiating NBA games. "The bottom line is: We're probably the only people that tell them no."

Some players have been particularly successful at getting their points across to referees.

LeBron James, who drives through lanes like a freight train drawing contact from primary, secondary and help defenders on most plays, is particularly tough to officiate because of the attention he draws.

James never holds back from complaining when he thinks calls are missed. In fact, he has a reputation for being a bit of a whiner. But he also rarely goes too far.

To put things in perspective, James' teammates on the Lakers, Carmelo Anthony and Russell Westbrook, lead the league with 12 technical fouls each this season. James has none. In his 19-season career, he has been ejected from only two games. (Compare that to Rasheed Wallace, who had 317 technical fouls and was ejected from a record 29 games in his 16-season career).

"That lets you know how respectful he is," Crawford said of James. "He doesn't go overboard in trying to prove that he's right. There's nothing nasty about what he says."

Former NBA official Danny Crawford (right) says that while LeBron James is never shy about making his point, he was always respectful in their discourse. (Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)

Phoenix Suns coach Monty Williams said he realized how intelligent James is by overhearing the conversations he has with officials.

Instead of arguing about plays that just happened, James often uses his talks with refs to make sure they look for something on future plays, a strategy that could impact the game down the line.

"When you're coaching, you get a chance to listen to the things he's saying to referees, and it's usually stuff that you don't hear from the majority of players in the NBA," Williams said of James. "You're sitting there, like, 'Wow, I can't believe he just asked that question.'"

Sometimes, however, James is just venting when he talks to refs.

Stafford remembers officiating a game in which James kept complaining about contact the ref thought was too marginal to call. Stafford responded by poking fun at the 6-foot-9, 250-pound James — and LeBron, to his credit, took the teasing in stride.

"I just said, 'Hey, didn't you play high school football?'" Stafford said. "He said, 'Yeah.' I said, 'Wide receiver, right?' He said, 'Yeah.' I said, 'Man, you must've been really soft.' He just started laughing. From that point on — or at least for that game — we got along very well."

Developing a rapport with refs and communicating with them in a measured manner are essential for any NBA player. It's something Don Vaden, who was an NBA referee for 15 years and went on to be the director of officials for both the NBA (2011-2016) and WNBA (2016-2017), has turned into a business.

Vaden and his former WNBA colleague Shelley Russi teach players how to improve relationships with officials. They have consulted with multiple NBA teams, including the Atlanta Hawks, Washington Wizards, Orlando Magic, Detroit Pistons, Oklahoma City Thunder, Toronto Raptors, Portland Trail Blazers, Utah Jazz and Sacramento Kings.

"There's technique to it when you're communicating as a referee to a player," Vaden said. "We look at it the other way. Now that we've been on that side, and we've heard all of the words given to us, we're able to say what can a player say to [referees] at that moment and when to do it."

Vaden said working with players has given him a different perspective on things.

Referees want to get things right, but they often don't think about the impact they have on players. Vaden has learned how important every whistle can be on a player's psyche, especially the 15th man on the roster.

"Being on the team side has really opened my eyes," he said. "I wish I could go back and referee now that I know what I know. There may be someone on the floor who is going to play five minutes, and those five minutes are important as hell to them, and they're trying to do everything perfect. As a referee, we don't think about it that way."

Referees try to treat every player the same. But there's no denying that certain players have always been more respected within officiating circles.

Michael Jordan didn't complain often — and when he did, he was known to typically be right. He'd also make sure not to embarrass refs. If he had a grievance, he'd try to subtly pull the ref aside, away from the prying eyes of 20,000 spectators and millions more at home.

Same thing with Kobe Bryant. He'd voice his opinion, and then he'd move on. He wouldn't perseverate and try to hammer officials over the head with his point. Instead, he had a gentle way of making them question themselves.

"I remember him telling me, ‘You know what Danny, the physics don’t work out,'" Crawford recalled Bryant saying when they were discussing a call. "I'm like, 'What?' He's like, 'The physics don't work out based on what you just told me.' I've never had a player say something like that, so I walked away confused. I said, 'I'm not that smart.'"

Crawford says Kobe Bryant had a masterful way of making an official question his own call. (Photo by Andrew D. Bernstein/NBAE via Getty Images)

Then there were players on the other end of the spectrum, who would try to manipulate situations to get the calls they wanted. They'd exaggerate and be overly demonstrative. They played a game within the game, trying to use the refs as a tool for their advantage.

For Stafford, two players stood out as experts in that vein: Karl Malone, the all-time leader in NBA technical fouls with 332, and Allen Iverson. "They would intentionally bring the home crowd down on you," Stafford said.

"[Malone] was so big and strong that a lot of times, he would create the contact, and then he would flop like he got hit, which made it very difficult to referee him," Stafford added. "A.I. was the same way, except A.I. was small. With just a little bit of contact, he would throw himself to the floor, too. A lot of times, he was used to getting those calls, so when he didn't get those calls, he would just go off."

Anyone who has been to an NBA game knows what happens when fans vehemently disagree with an official's call. A jury of 20,000 angrily voice their displeasure with an endearing little chant: "Ref, you suck." Or worse.

But, according to the former refs, fans' fury could pale in comparison to a player's wrath.

Some players would hold grudges. For example, if a referee messed up a call — and didn't own up to it — Charles Barkley would transform into a hell-raiser of sorts. He could deal with mistakes, but only if someone took ownership.

"If he knew you missed it, and you weren't going to admit it, he was going to make the rest of the night miserable for you," Vaden said with a chuckle. "Just continue to give you crap, on his plays and everybody else's plays."

Coaches have different approaches and strategies, too. Some will purposefully complain their way to a technical foul to show a player they have his back or as a tool to fire up their squad. For others, complaining just isn't their style.

So far this season, Williams has only one technical foul, while Warriors coach Steve Kerr leads the pack with six.

The seemingly mild-mannered Steve Kerr leads all NBA coaches in technical fouls this season. (Photo by Alex Goodlett/Getty Images)

"Monty Williams is a good example of a guy who isn't going to complain very much, but when he does, it's probably a legitimate complaint," Vaden said. 

Vaden remembers a coach like that during his time as an NBA ref.

"For me, it was a guy like Pat Riley. He was not gonna complain, and when he did, you know you screwed up most of the time."

Being a referee isn't easy. It's a job that comes with a high level of scrutiny. Most of the time, refs are relatively faceless and anonymous. But, boy, if a ref messes up or upsets the wrong superstar, his or her face and name can be all over "SportsCenter" in a matter of seconds.

Basketball is an emotional sport. Adrenaline is pumping. The stakes are high — and oh, so public. Refs make mistakes. Players do, too. There's often so much contact on a play that it's difficult for anyone to decipher with the naked eye what happened in a split second.

That's why the little things go a long way.

Crawford said one of the best tricks in the book — for both players and refs — is using the other person's name when communicating.

"It'll give you an edge because the referee will say, 'You know what, that young fella knows my name, so I'm going to listen,'" Crawford said. "It's the same thing when you come at me highly charged. I'm going to say your name to calm you down."

Another thing that goes really far is admitting when you're wrong.

It's something Popovich learned early in his career, when he was an audacious assistant trying to make a name for himself.

Gregg Popovich was once ejected after getting two technicals in the first 63 seconds of a game. But he also jokes around with officials and sometimes even admits when he's wrong. (Photo by Doug Pensinger/Getty Images)

In 1988-89, Stafford's first season as an NBA official, he made a call that Popovich didn't like.

"He was all over me about a play," Stafford said. "When I got a chance to say something to him, I said, 'Coach, I'm 100 percent right on that play.' He just looked at me. He didn't say anything."

Then, after the game, Popovich did something highly unusual — and against the rules.

He went to the referees' locker room, a sacred space that's a major no-go zone for players and coaches. He knocked on the door and stepped inside.

"You were so adamant about that play, I went in the locker room and looked at it," Popovich told Stafford. "And I had to come and tell you that you were 100 percent right."

It was a small act, but it went a long way.

"You have to respect somebody like that," Stafford said.

At the end of the day, everyone is just trying to do their job. Players and coaches are trying to win, and officials are trying to enforce the rules, pitting the two groups in inherently disparate lanes that are bound to collide.

But, ultimately, the referees hold the power — and the key to getting their ear is as human and simple as can be.

"Always be respectful," Vaden said.

Melissa Rohlin is an NBA writer for FOX Sports. She previously covered the league for Sports Illustrated, the Los Angeles Times, the Bay Area News Group and the San Antonio Express-News. Follow her on Twitter @melissarohlin.

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Melissa Rohlin