A Christmas themed Philadelphia 76ers anecdote that documents Brett Brown and the Sixers’ struggles one fateful night in Phoenix against the Suns.
December 24, 2016
Twas the night before Christmas, stuck in Arizona
Not a creature was stirring, not even the Moa.
Thoughts of two-center lineups turned our coach’s hair gray,
In hopes that the Lakers’ pick soon would convey.
The Colangelos were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of veterans danced in their heads.
Joel on the perimeter, and Jahlil at his back,
As Jah settled in for a long winter’s nap.
When out on the court there arose such a clatter,
He sprang from the lane to see what was the matter.
Away to the perimeter he flew like a flash,
As Devin Booker sailed by for a layup off the glass.
Brett Brown off the bench to shake his head “no”
As he prayed to the sky, “five more minutes of Jo.”
When, what to his wondering eyes should appear,
But a 5-9 man with a short, stubbly beard.
Brett called to the man, as his fitbit began beeping
Brett knew in a moment, it must be Sam Hinkie.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
“Now, Dedmon! Now, Davies! Now, Wroten and Thompson!
And, Sims! On, Maynor! On, Furkan and Johnson!
On to the court! Go call for the ball!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”
Brett rubbed at his eyes, in utter confusion
Convinced he was trapped in a vivid illusion
He worried and feared that his contacts were blurry
But Sam shouted out, “Brett, do not worry.”
Brett treaded carefully, he took his sweet time
But Sam calmly asked him, “Brett, what’s on your mind?”
“Sam, is it you? It’s been a long while.”
“Of course it is, Brett.” He replied with a smile.
“Gosh, for a second I thought I saw double.
Sam, this past year, it’s been such a struggle.
It’s been street fights, drama, foot problems galuah
I thought this took two years, but now it’s been fuah.
Fuah years later, have we made any progress?
Sam, lately it’s hard just to say ‘Trust the Process’
It was all going fine till we missed on D’Angelo
And now I’m stuck with not one, but both the Colangelos
If you haven’t been watching, I’ll get you caught up to speed
This whole team is a mess except for Embiid.
I don’t mean to sulk, I know you meant right
But I think you took one too many rolls of the dice.”
“Brett, I understand why you’re feeling misled.
It’s not for the faint hearted”, the calm Hinkie said
“Please try to stay positive, that much is imperative.
And be wary always of others shaping your narrative
Do not be distraught by a couple red flags.
Remember we zigged, while others still zag.
We took risks, we did things that others would not.
I have yet to discover a shortcut to the top.
It’s fair to question many decisions we made.
From Kendall Marshall, to Jahlil, to the K.J. trade.
You might also dread going best player available,
Especially when the fit, now, is seeming so terrible.
But changing philosophy is not the solution.
For our issues derive not from process, but rather, execution.
Picking Jahlil has left you with a mess
Because picking best available, only works when you pick the best
Picking Jahlil may set us back a full season
You see, Brett, I was wrong, but for the right reasons
I’m sorry the process has taken so long
Who could’ve predicted so much would go wrong?
Who could’ve known MCW was bad all along?
Who would’ve known Simmons would trip on Sean Long?
Such is life, I suppose, in this dystopian game
In truth, you know weakness is the provenance of blame
It pains me still to not finish what was started,
But I left you with Nerlens, Jojo and Saric
Our plan worked so well, the league wants it forbidden
For every Jahlil, there’s a recovering Ben Simmons
For every Covington, there’s a handful of Malcolms
It’s precisely this reason, we divorce process from outcome
Think not about being replaced by Jerry’s grandson,
Focus more on the Jojo driving and-ones
You’re up for the task Brett, I have no doubt about it
You even made a player out of ‘throw-in’ Nik Stauskas
Focus on the good luck, don’t search for injustice
The Process is over, but you still have to trust it.
You’ve done great, Brett. But I must be going.”
He hopped in his sleigh, his fitbit now glowing
“Send Jojo my love” he shouts as his sleigh then takes flight
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”
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