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Badgers-Purdue Off-Beat Preview: In college football #stupidthingzhappen
Purdue Boilermakers

Badgers-Purdue Off-Beat Preview: In college football #stupidthingzhappen

Published Dec. 9, 2016 12:38 p.m. ET

If you are looking for hard-hitting analysis, yeah, this ain't it. But if you want a fun, entertaining read, you've found the right place. For more of Brandon Rifkin, please head to his blog or follow him on Twitter.

That Louisville-Houston game was EXACTLY why people freaking out over the CFB Playoff Rankings (is that what they’re called?) in mid-November are idiots. Welcome to college football, where THINGS HAPPEN. Stupid things, like Louisville and their Guaranteed Heisman QB getting bundled by 16-point underdogs Houston. And I’m willing to bet MORE stupid things will happen this weekend. And the next weekend. College Football: #stupidthingzhappen

So, SHOULD we be higher? Of course. Should Michigan and Washington drop after losing to mediocre Iowa and USC at home by multiple touchdowns? NO DUH. But these things will sort themselves out. You can write it in sharpie on your face and lock it up: 11-2 B1G Champion Wisconsin is in the Playoff. That is today’s no doubt about it toss it in a nest and sit on it guarantee.

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I guess that means we just have to GET there and win the damn thing to prove how smart and right I am. And doesn’t everyone want that day to come!

PS – Speaking of the B1G Championship Game, of course we have a huge hoops game that day (Oklahoma coming to Madison). Usually it’s the Marquette game, which is a damn shame because they deserve 24 hours of uninterrupted hatred on that day. Before the game and after the game they go back to a meaningless middling religious nutjob institution protecting athletes from the discomfort of owning up to their awful crimes in their second-rate conference (Editor's note: allegedly, to, well, all of that). But on that day? On that day it’s fun to #embracehate and remind them who runs this state.

PPS – Man, traveling to Indy is such a hard sell even with the close proximity and what I’m assuming will be relatively attainable tickets. Good luck staying under budget and figuring out the logistics of a CFB Playoff run. I WANT BAMA.
BIG TEN FEAR RANKINGS

1) Ohio State, 9-1 (6-1). I think deep down we all knew they were the best team in the conference. Sure, Michigan has looked good… but these guys reload like none other. Their ticket to the Playoff should be stamped signed, sealed, delivered and all that nonsense.

2) Michigan, 9-1 (6-1). A CHINK IN THE ARMOR, YES. Iowa? Really? You lost to IOWA? That’s gotta sting.

PS – Michigan fans freaking out are silly. Just go win out and you get where you wanted to be anyway. Gross.

3) Wisconsin, 8-2 (5-2). Don’t let that loss to Creighton bring you down. It’s a mid-November true road game against a top-15 team, and the game was closer than the score indicated. Get Nigel back on the block and find a way for Happ to get involved on nights they’re doubling the post and this team will win a lot of games. Koenig is the damn truth this year and we are just as deep as I had hoped. Trust the system.

PS – Gimme Trice over Hill all day every day.

4) Penn State, 8-2 (6-1). Hey, DeAndre Levy, I love you:

 

Come take some bait, #PaternoTruthers. YOU PEOPLE ARE THE WORST AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT.

5) Nebraska, 8-2 (5-2). I don’t care for them, but good to see Armstrong play well after that scare he had.

Injuries suck.

Sincerely,

Packers fans

6) Minnesota, 7-3 (4-3). I don’t think we’ll overlook them. I don’t think we’ll overlook them. I DON’T THINK WE’LL OVERLOOK THEM.

7) Northwestern, 5-5 (4-3). The nerds hung 45 on Purdue. There are no excuses in the world for Saturday.

8) Indiana, 5-5 (3-4). If there’s one crappy team you don’t want on your schedule as we inch closer to December, it’s IU. You just know one of these days they’ll put it all together and ruin someone’s season. Boy am I happy we don’t have to deal with that mess.

9) Iowa, 6-4 (4-3). I really hope Ferentz signed a 56-year extension after beating Michigan.

10) Maryland, 5-5 (2-5). “Arrival” was amazing. An alien movie without the clichés and explosions and lasers but with a grounded emotional center, solid "twist" and a great script? Ding ding ding, winner. Go see it.

11) Purdue, 3-7 (1-6). LOL purdue

12) Illinois, 3-7 (2-5). Love the rumors that Lovie is already looking at coordinator jobs in the NFL. Illinois Football Fever: CATCH IT

13) Michigan State, 3-7 (1-6). NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

*Not a single person cared about this game.

THIS WEEK'S GAME IN HAIKU

One game at a time

These guys suck, let’s remind them

Win by a million

PREDICTION CITY

28-point favorites on the road. That’s usually a good sign. No time to get cute with this one: let’s go rough ‘em up. THE PICK:

WISCONSIN 81, Purdue 2

***


ON WISCONSIN

 

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