Nashville's Iroquois Steeplechase is typically a pretty high-end affair. Women wear sundresses, men wear pastels, all of the proceeds from the city's largest horse race of the year benefit the Vanderbilt Children's Hospital, and everyone drinks heavily and has a great time.
Honestly, it's a lot like an SEC football spring game, with every fan base represented among the 30,000 or so attendees. Buddies from Kentucky have described Steeplechase as like the Kentucky Derby, but without all the trashy people.
So you know what happened on Saturday near the end of the day's party on the infield, don't you?
Yep, catfight!
Today is Southern girls behaving badly day on OKTC.
Let's go to the video.
It's okay, you can hit replay again, I know it's hard to stop watching this video.
I've probably watched ten times already.
You know what this means.
It's time for my eleven favorite things about this awkward catfight video:
1. The girl who starts the fight is not wearing underwear beneath her sundress.
The amount of time that men have spent at Steeplechase over the past twenty years debating the percentage of women not wearing underwear beneath their sundresses is roughly equivalent to the amount of time it took to draft the Articles of Confederation.
The general consensus is that around half of all women are not wearing underwear.
Nevertheless, it takes a special woman in a sundress not wearing underwear to get into a fight.
2. The girl who is attacked has panties that perfectly match her black dress.
Looking on the bright side, without a catfight video that is sure to go viral all over the Internet, no one would have ever known how well you color coordinate your underwear.
Raise the roof, girl.
3. The amazing timing on this video.
This is the Zapruder film of catfight videos.
Whoever was filming this had perfect timing. (Although he could haved turned his phone sideways and talked less. We don't need your commentary, we want to hear the combatants hurl insults.)
4. The guy who attempts to break up the fight while holding a football in one arm, wearing a backwards visor, and a sportscoat.
This guy is my favorite of the entire video.
He's got the blazer on, the football tucked high and tight -- no fumbles during the catfight! -- and he's trying to pull the girls off of each other with one hand.
I can't stop watching this guy.
And I'm honestly not sure if it's possible for him to have a better outfit on.
Seriously, he didn't even put the football down.
SEC, SEC, SEC!
Update: based on multiple emails, this is Vanderbilt starting center Joe Townsend. He is a catfight hero.
5. The girl who starts the fight goes immediately after the other girl's hair.
While rolling backwards in the mud, bare vagina exposed to the entire world, cowboy boots sky high in the air, wouldn't a single part of your mind have to think, "Did I really just start a fight at a children's hospital charity event while not wearing panties under my sundress?"
6. The fact that every person in this video has probably read Outkick the Coverage at some point in time.
Hell, some of them are probably reading this breakdown right now.
Hi, y'all.
Thanks for paying my son's tuition this year.
7. A chubby guy in a pink shirt keeps the girl in the pink dress from turning this into a full-on brawl.
The pink dress girl then attacks him with multiple wild right hands for touching her.
And by "touching her," she means, "stood between you and an assault conviction while not actually touching you at all."
You know that wild ass slap stung like hell too.
He might still have a handprint.
8. What could have possibly started the fight?
I've been to Steeplechase ten times or so now and I don't ever remember seeing anyone even angry before.
The Steeplechase infield is the happiest place on earth.
I've spent every year on the infield and I've never seen a fight before, certainly not between women.
So give me your funniest hypotheticals below for what could have started the fight.
I'm going with the most likely, "The blonde got the last spot in hot yoga on Friday and the brunette was PISSED."
9. Look at the guy in the boat shoes and the rolled up khakis leaning up against the SUV.
He doesn't even bother to move his awkward left hand resting on his hip throughout the entire fight.
How is this pose even comfortable? Are his wrists double-jointed?
10. In fact, look at the number of men who don't move at all.
A catfight for grown men is kind of like a trip to the zoo to see a baby panda bear when you're in third grade.
The entire time you're thinking to yourself, "Is this really happening? That's a real-life baby panda!"
11. The girl in the pink dress tells the police officer she's headed to her limo.
And the officer is just like, "Cool, no problem. Just go on to your limo."
This is a perfect Steeplechase departure.
I may or may not have arrived home at 1:30 in the morning without shoes.
....
Did I miss anything?
Dive in below and let me know.
In the meantime, God bless Steeplechase.
Update:
I didn't think this could get any better, but we have two new video angles.
These guys chanting USA, USA, USA as the catfight goes on, I lost it.
Honestly, I'm dying.
And it's about to get better, I think we undervalued pink dress's right hook in the earlier video, she nails poor chubby guy in the pink shirt with three solid right hooks here. Earlier these were off camera.
This is what happens when you try to break up a catfight, you end up getting wrecked.
(Also, the random guy falling as he walks in front of the camera for a better angle of the fight? Comedy pyramid).
