The 5 biggest takeaways from this week's episode of 'Ballers'
This week's episode of Ballers is Terrell Suggs-less, but not to worry: the main cast is fully capable of pulling out the idiotic decisions and questionable logic we've come to expect from the show.
So what's going on in sunny Miami this week? Vernon Littlefield has a torn achilles tendon, courtesy of paintball friendly fire from Ballers' most hated character, his best friend and elite level parasite, Reggie. He wants to tell Dallas the truth about how he got hurt, but the truth could just set him free. From his multi-million dollar contract.
Spencer and Joe are dealing with the fallout of their run-in with Andre Allen, and he's embarked on a full-out offensive to poach all their clients in retaliation for Spencer stealing T-Sizzle. Charles Greane is struggling with the idea of moving to right tackle, and Ricky Jarrett? He's just looking for the love. And a new team. But mostly, the love.
Let's take a look at the five biggest takeaways from "Elidee":
1. Reggie is still here, ruining everything
Everyone hates Reggie. He brings no discernible skills to the table, he's intent on spending his best friend's money in extravagant and ill-advised ways, he gives terrible advice, and did we mention that he brings no discernible skills to the table? Take a look at Entourage -- everyone has a job. Turtle is the driver slash tequila billionaire, Drama is really really good at complaining, and whips up a mean eggs benedict, and Eric makes sure Vince doesn't completely ruin his life. It's a perfect system. If you're gonna be part of the team, you have to contribute.
Reggie's only contribution thus far has been getting Vernon in trouble time and again, asking for a paycheck just for being alive and in the general vicinity, and then shooting his meal ticket, thereby almost ruining his career. Everyone. Hates. Reggie. If you don't, you might be a Reggie. Take a look inward.
2. Vernon really sucks
I'm sorry man. I want to like Vernon. He's a big, sweet teddy bear, he doesn't like to lie, and he takes care of his friends and family. These are all incredible qualities in a human. Maybe I'm getting old, but his blind, idiotic loyalty in the face of facts, his apparent inability to reconcile the fact that he's a very very famous and well-paid professional athlete, and repeated "what's the worst decision? Yeah. I'll take that one" lifestyle is driving me batshite crazy.
Also, why's he using french fries for ice? Is his refrigerator broken? They don't sell ice in Miami? Was it because Reggie was too lazy to get a real bag of ice? It's probably because Reggie was too lazy to get a real bag of ice. Did I mention I hate Reggie?
Photo courtesy of HBO
3. Charles Greane is an omnishambles, but his wife is the real MVP
Charles struggled through last season until finding his place back on the gridiron, but this season he's dealing with the prospect of moving to right tackle or seeing his career end. It's got him so shook, he's playing Madden as a right tackle. That's how you know he's truly on the edge of insanity. He's at to the point where he's contemplating life's truly deep thoughts, like: "Why do babies like keys so much ... It's not like they have someplace to go." GET IT TOGETHER CHARLES.
Julie Greane is one of the few well-rounded female characters in Ballers. She held it down for Charles all last season, using a mixture of sweet-talk, sexy, and pure iron-willed determination and chutzpah to help drag her husband out of his funk and help him get his sanity back. Now she's a full-fledged mother of two (Charles counts as her first) and she's doing whatever it takes to keep the Greane family pushing foward.
Including customizing a terrible, TERRIBLE camouflage minivan that Charles seemed to love. I guess she really does know her man.
4. You thought Ricky Jarrett was spoiled before? Oh you sweet child
Ricky Jarrett is one of Ballers' most charismatic characters, but he's by far the biggest prima donna this side of the Atlantic Ocean. The New Orleans Saints brought him into the city on a private jet, sent their GM in person to pick him up, stroked his ego for a full day, and tossed him a three year, $30 million deal like it was nothing. But he still doesn't feel the love.
Nah. Ricky wants coach Sean Payton and Saints QB Drew Brees to cut their vacations short to come show him THE LOVE.
Ricky Jarrett gets what Ricky Jarrett wants though. So of course, the Saints send him off right, bringing out a full parade complete with a 40-foot inflatable likeness, a full brass band, and coach Payton is presumably dragged from whatever remote island he's vacationing on to make appearance. Satisfied now Ricky? Probably not. We'll see next week.
5. Clearly, Spencer's pill problem is going to be a growing issue
Look at him creep in the hospital! He's waiting on his client to get out of surgery, conducting important Anderson Financial business, but as soon as Spence sees a nurse step away from a cart full of medication, he's on it like a tweaked-out hawk. You should probably see someone about that man. We're getting worried about you.
Tune in next week for more bad jokes about Ballers.
