Fire Rex Ryan! New Year's resolutions for all 32 NFL teams
It’s the time of year to dream up some bold decisions that will alter our lives with New Year’s Day approaching.
With that in mind, we thought we’d take a look at resolutions for each NFL team. No matter how good or bad each franchise’s roster looks or what kind of shape the front office may be in, every team has issues they’d like to fix heading into the 2016 calendar year.
These are moves each team should make (some of the tongue-in-cheek variety) but probably won’t make after pretending to be serious for a week.
AFC East
Buffalo Bills: Fire Rex Ryan
Ryan hasn’t been good for Buffalo. All his bluster and preseason hype has fallen flat, and the Bills entered the season with overblown expectations. This was a team that was supposed to compete for a playoff spot, but ironically it’s been the lack of defense -- Ryan’s strength -- that has been the greatest downfall of the franchise in 2015.
Miami Dolphins: Make Lamar Miller focal point of offense
First Miami needs to re-sign Miller, who is a free agent after the season. The Dolphins need to make this happen. Then, after paying him, whomever the Dolphins bring in to coach the team needs to make Miller the focal point of the offense. He’s been outstanding whenever he is featured but is often nearly invisible on game days.
New England Patriots: Discover (legal) anti-aging pills for Tom Brady
Robert Kraft’s crafty team of scientists needs to crank up their research efforts to ensure they develop a cure for aging quarterbacks. Brady is still going strong right now at the age of 38, but we’ve seen how quickly that worm can turn.
New York Jets: Discover salary cap loophole
The Jets have a huge decision to make. Do they break the bank for defensive lineman Muhammad Wilkerson or do they let him hit free agency where he’ll challenge Ndamukong Suh and J.J. Watt for biggest contract ever for a defensive player? Signing him could hurt the team’s chances of sporting a balanced roster in the future, while letting him go would surely negatively impact the defense.
Sounds like some creative cap work is needed.
AFC North
Baltimore Ravens: Get comfortable with rebuilding process
The best players on Baltimore’s roster are older guys, and two of them (Steve Smith Sr. and Terrell Suggs) will be coming back from Achilles' tendon injuries. On both sides of the ball, the Ravens need significant upgrades. There are pieces in place, but nobody should expect this team to suddenly be great again next year even if the injury bug doesn’t bite.
Cincinnati Bengals: Lock Hue Jackson in a closet and throw away the key
Anyone who has followed Jackson throughout his tenure as a coach in the NFL knows he’s due for a head coaching gig that doesn’t start with the word “interim.” The turnaround by Andy Dalton (before his injury) this year had everything to do with the offensive-minded coach, who should get some offers to pilot an NFL franchise this winter.
Cincinnati will not be happy to lose him and might as well try to keep him any way possible, even if that does include locking him away and hiding his cellphone.
Cleveland Browns: Let a trained monkey run the draft
Seriously, a monkey couldn’t do any worse than the men who have been in charge of stocking this team the past few decades. Maybe it could actually land a receiver or two, along with a franchise passer, some pass rushers who can cut it in the NFL and some back-end help in the secondary.
Pittsburgh Steelers: Bring back the Steel Curtain
General manager Kevin Colbert did a magnificent job stocking his offense full of playmakers that mesh perfectly with what Ben Roethlisberger does, and when healthy, the offensive line is good, too. That defense, though, needs a ton of work. It’s time to focus on landing young defensive studs to balance the roster and give the Steelers a chance at building another dynasty.
AFC South
Houston Texans: Draft. A. Quarterback.
Imagine how good this team would be with a quarterback. The Texans are tremendously talented on defense and have some skill-position players on offense that would thrive with a competent signal-caller. Make it happen for once, Rick Smith.
Indianapolis Colts: Fire Ryan Grigson
If owner Jim Irsay is going to fire just one guy this offseason, it shouldn’t be head coach Chuck Pagano, as many have rumored to be the case (read more here). Instead, Grigson needs to be replaced by a general manager who is committed to building an entire team, not just a fantasy football offense.
Taking receiver Phillip Dorsett in the first round was a fatal mistake this past spring, as was spending a bunch of money on a trio of aging stars in Andre Johnson, Frank Gore and Trent Cole.
Jacksonville Jaguars: Practice patience
This franchise is headed in the right direction. With some more smart draft moves that include a franchise left tackle and some secondary help, Blake Bortles and Co. have what it takes to develop into something special. Bortles still does make some head-scratching mistakes, but folks need to remember this kid is still in his second year. Good things are coming.
Tennessee Titans: Fix that darn offensive line
The Titans have a bright future thanks to rookie quarterback Marcus Mariota, but he’s already been knocked out of action twice this year. The offensive line is atrocious, both in the pass-blocking and run-blocking departments. Tennessee must get this fixed pronto or all the promise of Mariota will go to waste as he shrinks into a shell out of a desperate need for self-preservation.
AFC West
Denver Broncos: Commit to Brock Osweiler
Admitting defeat isn’t something Peyton Manning is ever going to get used to doing, but he needs to accept the fact that his body is simply finished taking the kind of abuse it has over the course of his 18-year career. The Broncos must come to the same conclusion and make a commitment to Osweiler this offseason as the future of the franchise.
Kansas City Chiefs: Draft another stud tight end
It seems like quarterback Alex Smith is going to stick around for a while longer in Kansas City. He’s been tremendous this year protecting the ball and making plays with his arm and legs, but the one thing he’s still not terrific at is getting the ball outside to big receivers.
Smith excels at making plays to tight ends, though. Travis Kelce is having a career year as a result, and the Chiefs could be remarkably dangerous with another “Baby Gronk” roaming the field.
Oakland Raiders: Develop a secondary
The Raiders are developing incredible talent on both sides of the ball, but the secondary is still second-rate -- the outstanding contributions of Charles Woodson notwithstanding. Adding a couple (or more) lock-down defensive backs would give Oakland’s defense the ability to shut down opposing offenses and would make this team a playoff contender.
San Diego Chargers: Protect Philip Rivers
There is no doubt Rivers is still one of the league’s premier quarterbacks. His numbers this season prove it, and it’s crazy to think he did what he did this season while working with a decrepit receiving corps and the league’s worst performing offensive line. If the Chargers commit to providing him with protection in the next few years, he has a chance to go on a legendary run to close out his career.
NFC East
Dallas Cowboys: Draft a quarterback
After watching his Cowboys flush the season down the drain following the injury to Tony Romo, Jerry Jones lamented his decision to start the season with Brandon Weeden as the backup quarterback (read more here). He was right to take the blame for that mistake, and he’d be stupid to make it again. Dallas must prepare for life without Romo.
New York Giants: Fire Tom Coughlin.
This is a year-too-late kind of thing for the Giants and their fans. John Mara thought there was “reason for optimism” after last year’s disappointments, but it’s been more of the same from Coughlin and the G-Men this year -- poor decisions and bad mistakes late in games. Time to bring in some new blood to pump life into this now-dead organization.
Philadelphia Eagles: Give Chip Kelly one more season to work his system
Nobody knows what Kelly is trying to do except for Kelly himself. It looked like all his offseason maneuvering was falling apart at the seams for a while during a losing streak that saw the Eagles drop four of five games, but a recent turnaround (barring the embarrassment against Arizona) illustrates what this team is capable of achieving.
A strong finish could propel Philly into the playoffs, and it would be foolish for owner Jeff Lurie to not give Kelly at least one more season to see what happens.
Washington: Sign Kirk Cousins to long-term deal
Many wrote Cousins off this season (this scribe included), but after watching him work the past half-season, it’s clear he has matured as a passer and is now worthy of some long-term money. Washington should try to unload Robert Griffin III this winter, and at the same time it needs to get Cousins locked into a deal that keeps him with the franchise for a while longer.
NFC North
Chicago Bears: Let Matt Forte walk away
Chicago is in full-blown rebuilding mode right now, and there are better ways to spend money than paying a 30-year-old running back up to $5 million. Forte can still play, but he’d be better off playing for a contender anyway, and the Bears need to focus on developing young talent instead of clinging to the past.
Detroit Lions: Retool Megatron’s contract or cut him loose
Calvin Johnson is 30 years old now, and his body is breaking down like he’s even older. His contract counts for $24 million against Detroit’s cap next year, and he’s certainly not worth that kind of cash. The Lions must either restructure his deal for significantly less money or cut him altogether so they can start focusing on other areas of the roster in need of repair.
Green Bay Packers: Get serious about protecting Aaron Rodgers
Rodgers isn’t a spring chicken any more. He’s still as adept as ever at evading pressure, but the hits have been coming all too often these days, and they start to add up during the latter stages of a quarterback’s career. Green Bay must get serious about providing him with the protection he needs so he can sit back in the pocket and make plays with his arm instead of his legs.
Minnesota Vikings: Give Teddy a big playmate
Teddy Bridgewater needs a big-bodied receiver on the perimeter who can go up top and make big plays in the red zone. The team already has plenty of speed in Mike Wallace and Stefon Diggs but needs a true No. 1-type of guy who has the size and strength to make plays outside on the sidelines.
NFC South
Atlanta Falcons: Own up to failures on the offensive line
General manager Thomas Dimitroff hasn’t done a good job in recent years of stocking up on interior offensive linemen. As a result, quarterback Matt Ryan has been getting blasted by pressure up the middle this season, and it’s been messing with his mind. Atlanta’s passing attack is no longer elite as a result, and nothing will change unless things change up front.
Carolina Panthers: Pay the man
General manager Dave Gettleman made a terrible mistake last year by not extending the contract of Josh Norman. Now the cornerback is among the best at his position, which is in high demand. He’s going to be extremely expensive to keep on the roster as a free agent, but Carolina needs him to stay put in order to stay dominant defensively in the years to come.
New Orleans Saints: Blow up the defense
Dennis Allen isn’t the answer as defensive coordinator, just like Rob Ryan wasn’t the answer. Personnel-wise, the defense of New Orleans is a joke, besides Cameron Jordan and Stephone Anthony. It’s time to really start from scratch and bring in a fresh defensive approach. Losing Brandon Browner would also be prudent.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Retain Doug Martin
One of the biggest surprises of the season is the resurgence of Martin, who is playing like he did as a rookie. The muscle-bound running back has 1,305 rushing yards and five touchdowns, which is only 9 yards less than league leader Adrian Peterson. The Bucs must retain his services to ensure the offense stays balanced in the years to come.
NFC West
Arizona Cardinals: Keep David Johnson on the field
Head coach Bruce Arians is notorious for not trusting rookies, but he needs to make sure Johnson stays on the field as much as possible the rest of this season, into the postseason and beyond. The running back has the ability to make the absurdly difficult look easy and is a scoring machine.
San Francisco 49ers: Sacrifice Jed York to appease the masses
There is so much work that needs to be done to repair the mishaps of the last two seasons, but a good place to start will be getting York out of the picture. The team's fan base hates him and has sent banners into the sky to say that (read here), and hardly anyone showed up to the last home game at Levi’s Stadium to protest the crappy product on the field.
At kickoff pic.twitter.com/3asjsirRhC
— Tim Kawakami (@timkawakami) December 20, 2015
This is likely just a pipe dream, but if there’s a way to muscle York out of the franchise it must happen.
Seattle Seahawks: Cut Marshawn Lynch
It’s better to let guys go a year too early than a year too late. It’s hard to know which category Lynch falls into at this point given his current injury status.
However, given the fact he’s already 29 years old and has been one of the most beat-up guys in the league since joining Seattle six years ago, it’s safe to say he’s on his way down, rather than the other way around. Time to let him go so the Seahawks can pay others who will be able to contribute to the team’s success years into the future.
St. Louis Rams: Draft the quarterback of the future
The Rams have one of the best young running backs in the league and the NFL’s best defensive front. There is a lot to like about the roster, but the franchise is going absolutely nowhere without a quarterback to drive the offense. Unfortunately, landing a franchise passer could be problematic given the team’s 6-8 record. Somehow, though, general manager Les Snead needs to make it happen.
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